Claims to Fame

Claims to fame are an interesting thing. I guess the idea is that if you don't have a reason to feel as good about yourself as you want to, you can try to borrow fame from others to boost your self-esteem. I believe my biggest shot at fame is coming up with some sort of linguistic hypothesis. But let's be honest; the most famous linguist ever is probably Henry Higgins, the phonetician, who happens to be a fictional character in "My Fair Lady". If I feel the need for fame, I guess I can try some of the following. The following is a short but incomplete list of some of my best claims to fame:

• A friend of mine is going to be a famous composer someday. She just graduated from ASU with a degree in music composition.
• I once interviewed Eunice Kennedy Shriver (JFK's sister) for my high-school newspaper.
• My high school counselor's son used to play drums for Natalie Merchant.
• I've shaken the hand of Thurl Bailey.
• I used to go to school with Donny Osmond's nephew.
• The winner of the TV reality show "The Rebel Billionaire" graduated in my high-school class. We used to take sophomore English together, as I recall.
• Technically, I'm a professional musician... I was paid a small amount of money for performing music at a church activity at the state prison.
• Technically, I'm a professional poet... I was paid $10 for a poem I wrote as an adolescent and which was later published in a magazine.
• I go to church with a pastry chef from a fancy local hotel.

With claims to fame like that, I'm afraid I'm going to have to look elsewhere for a sense of self-esteem...